One cool thing about being a teenager was the snacks. My friends and I would all sit around the table at lunch time trading Little Debbies for Fruit Roll-Ups and Nachos Lunchables for Pizza Lunchables. One package of paradise for another! I never got any of those snacks in my lunch bag because my parents were super into health food. But every once in a while, a girl at the table would trade me her Zebra Cakes for my Nutra-Grain bars. I LOVED THOSE DAYS! I would daydream about opening my pantry and having Iron Kids Crustless White Bread, Gushers, Swiss Rolls, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Skippy Peanut Butter, Fun Dip, Cheez Its, Handi-Snax, Cheez Whiz, Go-Gurt, Sour Patch, Blow Pops….but most of all, more than any other snack, I wished I could have POP TARTS. What a fun little pocket of food!!! I mean you could have fruit filling OR chocolate! Plain OR frosted!!! There are just so many choices, so many opportunities in Pop Tarts. As a teenager in the '90s, having a date to Homecoming could have been cool… But having the right snacks was WAY cooler!! So in the spirit of being a teenager, I am making Pop Tarts fit for an adult.
Combine Flour, Sugar, and Butter in a bowl. Mix in Vinegar and Water and mix with your hands. It should be a pretty dry dough. Divide your dough in half. Form each ball into a rectangle and roll out with a rolling pin on two separate floured surfaces. Make each big rectangle into 6 smaller rectangles so you have 12 small rectangles of dough. Set 6 aside for the second filling. The first six are getting stuffed with Chevre//Fig//Walnut//Maple! Spoon little bits of Chevre on your doughs first.
Then slice up the figs and lay 'em on next. I used dry Figs here, but fresh Figs work great also.
I've read somewhere that figs boost the male sex drive?! I guess because figs look pretty similar to you know what!! Or is my mind just in the gutter?! That's not why I'm putting figs in this I swear... I'm just tossing in a little aphrodisiac to these Pop Tarts ;) Sprinkle the pieces of Walnut and the Maple Sugar on last.
Let's fill the other 6 small rectangles with Mozzarella//Heirloom Tomatoes//Basil! Evenly spread the Shredded Mozzarella Cheese on your next batch.
Slice about 6 of the little Heirlooms as thin as you can and add them on top.
Chop up your Basil leaves and lay them on too. Add Salt and Pepper to taste.
Okay y'all....so I'm like not trying to like...seduce boyzzz or anythang with my Pop Tarts...but...according to Beautyden.com Basil is used to "bewitch potential lovers"!!! Maybe if I woulda been wearing Basil Oil when I was 14 instead of nasty Plumeria Body Spray from Bath and Body Works I would have been able to trick some HOT DUDE into taking me to the Homecoming Dance!
To assemble the Pop Tarts, place the blank doughs on the top of the filled doughs. I sealed all of the edges with a little bit of water and used a fork to press in a pattern and fun 'XXX' decorations! I even had some extra dough so I made a heart! I was feeling kinda romantic because "Truly Madly Deeply" by Savage Garden came on my iPod Shuffle ;)
I remember dancing with my BIGGEST crush during that song at my 8th grade Halloween Dance. I was a HuLa girl!! I couldn't even believe I was dancing with my Big Crush... Actually my Big Crush was like 4 inches shorter than me. :/ :/ :/ In the middle of the song, I was feeling kinda "breeZy" around my butt and realized my Hawaiian sarong had become UNTUCKED and my Haynes Her Way undies were totally hangin' out!! I remember looking down at my Big Crush (who didn't seem to notice??) about to cry from embarassment but then remembered I was wearing mascara for the first time. And I didn't want to look like THAT GIRL with mascara running down her face at the school dance!
Let these chill in the refrgerator for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, pre-heat your oven to 350! I thought about a lot of FUN and different things I could do with Pop Tarts while I waited.....you could use them to make ice-cream sandwhiches! S'mores! Pour syrup on them like they're Pancakes! Melt cheese between them and have a crazZzy grilled cheese! Dip them in chocolate fondue! Throw 'em in a Fry Daddy!! Stuff 'em with ants and give them to your ex! Bake a ring into them and propose to someone! Stuff em with a ton of Cinnamon and prank your friends! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!!
Now leave them to bake for 29-35 minutes or until golden brown around the edges. These will be the Top of the Pops!! Your favorite Pop Tart since Britney!!
The next time you crave some 90s snaxxx like Doritos 3D, Fritos Twists, Crystal Pepsi, Bubble Tape, Fruitopia, or Kraft Singles, make some Pop Tarts instead!! Maybe if my future kids are total DORKS like me I'll teach em how to get a date to the dance with these secret weapons ;) ;)